With us always, or not?

No, I don't mean Jesus. Indoctrination.

Anonymous asked in the "Death of a Salesman" thread: "Does the indoctrination not only cause members to experience atrophy in their ability to think and reason, but also lead to irrational justifications? Does indoctrination ultimately lead to the ability to be in a perpetual state of denial?"

I'd like to explore this question and others like it. Certainly indoctrination is not unique to the New Apostolic Church, but how do New Apostolics deal with it in their everyday lives? Does it ultimately affect who you really are and what decisions you make or have made in your life? What about those who have left the church, are they still victims of the indoctrination in that their life decisions are based on it at some (if not every) level?

I'd like to think that I've come a long way from being the indoctrinated automaton I could have become in the NAC, but I also find that dealing with indoctrination is a daily battle. Every day I have to remind myself that certain thoughts are not my own, they were put there by others who honestly thought they were doing me some good. Or did they?

Death of a Salesman

So I'm thinking about the first post for this blog, and I decided to write about something that has been bothering me for the last month or so. A man (I won't use his real name) who used to be very involved with the church, a man who had information regarding possible financial misdeeds of the church, took his own life after a series of personal financial setbacks became too much for him to bear. After reading many of his posts on the NACBoard, it was somewhat of a shock to learn that he'd done himself in, but I guess we never know all the burdens others might carry.

I pity him. I wonder what happened to his faith in God that he decided death was a better alternative for him than waiting to see what else life had in store for him. He used to preach about how great God was, how God would sort everything out, all the misdeeds and financial monkey business of the men wielding power in the church would somehow make the church stronger, because wrongs would be righted. I pity him because other than getting a half-hearted apology from the church that he loved for the things he had to endure due to the actions of evil men, nothing has ever come to light regarding Michael Kraus and his dirty dealings with the church finances. Not one scrap of evidence, not even any real accusations. It's all ancient hushed history.

To his dying day, this man professed his love and wide-eyed devotion for the worldwide figurehead of the New Apostolic Church, the "Chief Apostle". He had been told what would happen by a Chief Apostle, how the whole scenario would play out, and even though 2 other Chief Apostles would take control of the church since the day he got that word, nothing ever came of it. And when all was said and done, not one "Chief Apostle" could be bothered to tell the truth about what happened during the iron-fisted reign of Michael Kraus, District Apostle for North America. Not one of these phonies could stand up and say "This man knows the truth about what happened." And more importantly, not one Chief Apostle could give this man financial help in his time of need, especially after knowing the burden of silence he'd agreed to carry, all so these men could continue living their good, prosperous lives.

I don't know what to make of all of it. And like the financial dealings of the New Apostolic Church, perhaps I never will.