No, I don't mean Jesus. Indoctrination.
Anonymous asked in the "Death of a Salesman" thread: "Does the indoctrination not only cause members to experience atrophy in their ability to think and reason, but also lead to irrational justifications? Does indoctrination ultimately lead to the ability to be in a perpetual state of denial?"
I'd like to explore this question and others like it. Certainly indoctrination is not unique to the New Apostolic Church, but how do New Apostolics deal with it in their everyday lives? Does it ultimately affect who you really are and what decisions you make or have made in your life? What about those who have left the church, are they still victims of the indoctrination in that their life decisions are based on it at some (if not every) level?
I'd like to think that I've come a long way from being the indoctrinated automaton I could have become in the NAC, but I also find that dealing with indoctrination is a daily battle. Every day I have to remind myself that certain thoughts are not my own, they were put there by others who honestly thought they were doing me some good. Or did they?
Saturday, March 21, 2009
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I think the thing that bothers me the most about the indoctrination is the years that were stolen from me.
ReplyDeleteImportant years...formative years...years as a child where I should have been taught the process of how to think for myself. Years where I should have been encouraged to make my own decisions and taught to accept the consequences of those choices whether they were good or bad. Years where I should have internalized the concept of personal responsibility and self-reliance.
Instead I was taught and encouraged to be a follower. I was indoctrinated to believe it was not only what my parents and "bearers of blessing" wanted, but God himself as well. Challenging what you were told was deemed to be akin to listening to satan. It was that serious and one's very soul salvation was at risk if one continued on this path.
Of course, it was years before I fully understood the price I paid. I can't help but think about what might have been if I had been born in an environment that supported and nurtured my independence and encouraged me to reach for the highest instead of subjugating me to a subservient role.
Although I too have broken free of the indoctrination, it has taken its toll and I will forever pay the price. That is but one of the many reasons I firmly believe that the NAC is not a benign religious organization.
Well...truth be told...I don't just think about the years wasted and stolen from me...it makes me angry...very angry.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that the NAC refuses to acknowledge and take responsibility for the damage done to so many of us makes me even angrier.
I don't find myself getting angry as much any more. Part of dealing with the entire sordid history has been to kind of block out the past - I feel detached from my own past, as though it happened to someone else. My memories of the past (with the exception of certain key events, obviously) are kind of foggy, dim and distant.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I still feel that the NAC needs to be recognized for what it is - a cult with a pernicious side to it that must be exposed, until it either changes or it exists no more.
I'd be dishonest if I didn't admit I'm rooting for the latter.
5 years ago I would have thought Rich was the biggest asshole on the planet! How dare he speak against the anointed of the Lord?
ReplyDeleteToday, it sickens me to think of the shit I ate, fed to me by the higher ups, most of which were/are such control freaks it blows my mind.
As far as the Kraus years, what the hell was I thinking? I loved that man, truly loved and ate up every ounce of his bullshit. I can see now he was counting on that. What a crazy bastard!
I missed so many personal and professional opportunities I sometimes get physically sick, then angry to the point of tears. I hate the fucking NAC and all the assholes running it! Kolb is an asshole, Kraus was a fucking nutjob, and Freund is queer as a $3 bill!
I have no concept how to relate in society since the NAC. I hear co-workers talking about getting together to watch the game or go have a beer and I am lost. I have alienated all non-NAC family members who don't give a flying fuck about us now after 15 years of the church first bullshit I was repeating.
Angry? You're goddamned right I am angry. Fuck the NAC and every last enabling fuck who still attends!
Kraus and his cronies conned me too but what the hell, maybe we should let bygones be bygones! The next time I'm in Kitchener I might even go have a beer with him at his grave, after it passes through me....
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said: I have no concept how to relate in society since the NAC. I hear co-workers talking about getting together to watch the game or go have a beer and I am lost. I have alienated all non-NAC family members who don't give a flying fuck about us now after 15 years of the church first bullshit I was repeating.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the things that bothered me the most - the way relationships outside the church were not encouraged, in fact we were often told to cut all ties but those absolutely necessary with "the world". It's taken quite an effort to relate to my fellow man in meaningful ways, but I think the friendships I have now are real friendships, and not ones that end at the front door of the church.
Go out for a beer with your coworkers. Have them over to watch a game sometime. Be a member of society and enjoy it. The cloistered world of the NAC is so unhealthy and unrealistic.
Right now I am trying to work myself into the community. I have joined several civic organizations in an attempt to get involved with my community. I am ashamed that I barely know my neighbors. We have lived in the same house for years. In fact, many of our neighbors have noticed we no longer are wearing the black and white and packing up for some church trip. It is very weird.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice Rich.
Anonymous said...
ReplyDelete"5 years ago I would have thought Rich was the biggest asshole on the planet!
Psst...he still is.
:p
Ed Banger said: Psst...he still is.
ReplyDeleteThere goes the neighborhood.
Angry at loosing twenty years of adulthood, not to mention the fear in adolescence. To this day it's difficult to think independently, without the indoctrination. to counter this, i started a study at university level... and (almost) finished it now. But still, it's hard to think as a real human being... as I was raised to not think, but to follow. So many lost ideas.. so many lost years. The good part? found people who like and love me for who I am. so people GO as quickly as you can. It's a F**** hard fight.Well worth fighting for!
ReplyDelete